Torture, Part 5

I don’t want to leave the impression that I am so perfected in love that I never fear punishment.[1]  I’m a creature of habit.  The possibility that God is punishing me for something is the first thing that comes to mind whenever it seems that things aren’t going my way.  What I’m saying is, I think that is a bad habit.  If I trust Him instead of reacting in fear I find that, though things aren’t going my way, the way they are going is just as good if not better than my way (though comparing and contrasting actual events with my imagination or fears is a dubious occupation at best).

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,[2] the 23rd Psalm ends.  That translation sounded like what I thought I “knew.”  God’s goodness and mercy would follow in the train of my glory, confirming my virtue, if and only if I kept the law.  I didn’t, not so much.  So I didn’t expect (though I sometimes still hoped for) God’s goodness and mercy.  It was only later after his goodness and mercy hunted me down, tackled me to the ground and held me there that I began to see it and Him for who He is.  Later I learned that the verse was badly translated.  Surely your goodness and faithfulness will pursue me all my days,[3] is much more to the point.[4]  The rabbis who translated the Septuagint chose καταδιώξεταί,[5] follow hard upon, pursue closely.

The desktop image on the computer I use most often to study the Bible is a frame from Lars Von Trier’sAntichrist.”  She is on her side, facing away from us, recovering from the trauma of snipping off her clitoris.  Her “familiars,” the three beggars, wait patiently beside her.  She had an oracle that someone would die when they arrived.  In a few moments her husband will fulfill that oracle, crushing her larynx to silence the voice that spoke of an evil he rejected as implausible, and finally choking the life out of the woman he claimed to love.  This image by contrast reminds me of the Sunday I didn’t cut off my penis, and the different way I heard two passages of Scripture before and after that intervention.

Matthew 18:8, 9 (NET)

Romans 6:3-6 (NET)

If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.  It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire.  And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.  It is better for you to enter into life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into fiery hell. Or do you not know that as many as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?  Therefore we have been buried with him through baptism into death, in order that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too may live a new life.  For if we have become united with him in the likeness of his death, we will certainly also be united in the likeness of his resurrection.  We know that our old man was crucified with him so that the body of sin would no longer dominate us, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.

Before that Sunday, though they may have seemed harsh, Jesus’ words recorded by Matthew (and Mark,[6]) didn’t seem out of line when compared to a hero of the faith[7] like Jephthah who sacrificed his daughter to keep his oath.  And surely Paul’s words were metaphorical, a figure of speech, not to be taken literally.  After that Sunday I began to perceive cutting off my penis, or a hand or a foot as hyperbole, but being buried with [Christ] through baptism into death as the literal truth.  And to this day I’m not sure how to justify that opinion from the texts themselves apart from the (now obvious) fact that my hand or my foot, or even my penis, never causes (σκανδαλίζει, a form of σκανδαλίζω; or, entices) me to sin.

I introduce the story of the rich man and Lazarus[8] this way despite my sense that its context indicates reasonably clearly that it is not to be taken too literally.  Jesus’ illustration which precedes it of an unrighteous manager cheating his master/employer was certainly not a recommendation of good business practice.  His points were two: 1) the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their contemporaries than the people of light;[9] and 2) make friends for yourselves by how you use worldly wealth [one’s own presumably[10] rather than someone else’s], so that when it runs out you will be welcomed into the eternal homes.[11]

In Mark’s Gospel account Jesus’ was quoted, saying, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!”  The disciples were astonished at these words.  But again Jesus said to them, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God![12]  Jesus’ disciples were not contemporary socialists who assumed that the rich were swindlers and thieves who took whatever they had from the poor and working classes.  Their astonished question, “Then who can be saved?”[13] indicates to me they believed that the rich were blessed by God, that their wealth was a sign of his approval and favor.  And I assume they believed this because their religious teachers believed and taught it.  Jesus said (Luke 16:13, 14 NET):

“No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve God and money.”  The Pharisees (who loved money) heard all this and ridiculed him.

This is the audience for, and the immediate context of, the story of a rich man who dressed in purple and fine linenwho feasted sumptuously every day.  But at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus whose body was covered with sores, who longed to eat what fell from the rich man’s table.  In addition, the dogs came and licked his sores.[14]  In other words, Lazarus was “cursed” by God.

Both men died.  The rich man in hell (ᾅδῃ, a form of ᾅδης), as he was in torment (βασάνοις, a form of βάσανος),…looked up and saw Abraham far off with Lazarus at his side.[17]  Hell is not γέεννα here but ᾅδῃ, Hades.  Peter quoted a Psalm in his first sermon after receiving the Holy Spirit: Therefore my heart was glad and my tongue rejoiced; my body also will live in hope, because you will not leave my soul in Hades (ᾅδην, another form of ᾅδης), nor permit your Holy One to experience decay.[18]  The rabbis who translated the Septuagint chose ᾅδην for Sheol (sheʼôl).

Peter (NET)

Blue Letter Bible (Septuagint)

Parallel Greek Text (NET)

…because you will not leave my soul in Hades, nor permit your Holy One to experience decay.

Acts 2:27 (NET)

ὅτι οὐκ ἐγκαταλείψεις τὴν ψυχήν μου εἰς ᾅδην οὐδὲ δώσεις τὸν ὅσιόν σου ἰδεῖν διαφθοράν

Psalm 16:10

ὅτι οὐκ ἐγκαταλείψεις τὴν ψυχήν μου εἰς ᾅδην οὐδὲ δώσεις τὸν ὅσιον σου ἰδεῖν διαφθοράν.

Acts 2:27

David by foreseeing this, Peter explained, spoke about the resurrection of the Christ, that he was neither abandoned to Hades (ᾅδην, another form of ᾅδης), nor did his body experience decay.[19]  Jesus said: And you, Capernaum, will you be exalted to heaven?  No, you will be thrown down to Hades (ᾅδου, another form of ᾅδης)![20]  And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades (ᾅδου, another form of ᾅδης) will not overpower it.[21] Do not be afraid!  I am the first and the last, and the one who lives!  I was dead, but look, now I am alive – forever and ever – and I hold the keys of death and of Hades (ᾅδου, another form of ᾅδης)![22]  Three more times in Revelation (6:8; 20:13, 14) Hades was personified (ὁ  ᾅδης).  The NET translators only translated Hades as hell in the story of the rich man and Lazarus, which is progress.[23]

Of course, they also translated βασάνοις torment.  It was translated afflictions the only other place it occurs outside of the story of the rich man and Lazarus:  Jesus went throughout all of Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all kinds of disease and sickness among the people.  So a report about him spread throughout Syria.  People brought to him all who suffered with various illnesses and afflictions (βασάνοις, a form of βάσανος), those who had seizures, paralytics, and those possessed by demons, and he healed them.[24]  Perhaps they had good reason, for the rich man called out, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in anguish (ὀδυνῶμαι, a form of ὀδυνάω) in this fire (φλογὶ, a form of φλόξ).[26]

The rich man was clearly thirsty, but was he in anguish in hell?  After the twelve-year-old Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem for three days, listening to [the teachers] and asking them questions,[27] His mother said to him, “Child, why have you treated us like this?  Look, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously (ὀδυνώμενοι, a form of ὀδυνάω).”[28]  And the Ephesian elders were especially saddened (ὀδυνώμενοι, a form of ὀδυνάω) by what [Paul] had said, that they were not going to see him again.[29]  But the rich man was in this fire (φλογὶ, a form of φλόξ), surely that must mean he was being tortured in hell.

After forty years had passed, Luke recounted Stephen’s history lesson, an angel appeared to him in the desert of Mount Sinai, in the flame (φλογὶ, a form of φλόξ) of a burning (πυρὸς, a form of πῦρ) bush.[30]  Other writers used forms of φλόξ as follows.  The writer of Hebrews quoted, He makes his angels spirits and his ministers (λειτουργοὺς, a form of λειτουργός) a flame (φλόγα, another form of φλόξ) of fire[31] (πυρὸς, a form of πῦρ).  Another form of λειτουργός was translated authorities in, For this reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities (λειτουργοὶ) are God’s servants devoted to governing.[32]  Paul was a minister (λειτουργὸν, another form of λειτουργός) of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles who served the gospel of God like a priest.[33]  Epaphroditus was my brother, coworker and fellow soldier, and your messenger and minister (λειτουργὸν) to me in my need,[34] Paul wrote the Philippians.

Jesus’ head and hair were as white as wool, in John’s vision on Patmos, even as white as snow, and his eyes were like a fiery (πυρὸς, a form of πῦρ) flame (φλὸξ),[35] and, His eyes are like a fiery (πυρός, a form of πῦρ) flame (φλὸξ).[36]  Jesus described Himself as the Son of God, the one who has eyes like a fiery (πυρός, a form of πῦρ) flame (φλόγα, another form of φλόξ) and whose feet are like polished bronze.[37]  Paul wrote however, With flaming (φλογός, another form of φλόξ) fire (πυρὶ, another form of πῦρ) he will mete out punishment (ἐκδίκησιν, a form of ἐκδίκησις) on those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.[38]  Perhaps that was why the rich man was in anguish in this fire.

But Abraham said, “Child, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things and Lazarus likewise bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in anguish (ὀδυνᾶσαι, another form of ὀδυνάω).”[39]  So was the rich man simply thirsty and anxious or saddened because he and Lazarus and the Pharisees and Jesus’ disciples expected him to be blessed and favored by God?  If he had been hardened as one of the objects of wrath prepared for destruction[40] why didn’t he blaspheme the name of God like those who were tossedinto the great winepress of the wrath of God?[41]

Thus people were scorched by the terrible heat, yet they blasphemed the name of God, who has ruling authority over these plagues, and they would not repent and give him glory.[42]  They blasphemed the God of heaven because of their sufferings and because of their sores, but nevertheless they still refused to repent of their deeds.[43]  And gigantic hailstones, weighing about a hundred pounds each, fell from heaven on people, but they blasphemed God because of the plague of hail, since it was so horrendous.[44]

Granted, the rich man didn’t exactly repent either, though I’m not entirely clear how he might have repented of receiving good things in his lifetime, the stated reason why he was in anguish, anxious or saddened in a flame like the burning bush, one of God’s ministers or the fiery eyes of Jesus.  But when he couldn’t get any water from Abraham or Lazarus because a great chasm had been fixed between[45] them, he still didn’t blaspheme God.  “Then I beg you, father”, he said, “send Lazarus to my father’s house (for I have five brothers) to warn them so that they don’t come into this place of torment (βασάνου, a form of βάσανος; or affliction).”[46]  And here Abraham delivered the first of Jesus’ two points to this illustration: 1) They have Moses and the prophets; they must respond to them.[47]

In other words Moses and the prophets delivered the same message as Jesus, according to Jesus.  Then the rich man said, “No, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.”[48]  Again, Abraham spoke Jesus’ second point to this illustration: 2) If they do not respond to Moses and the prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead”[49]   And these two points serve his major point that what is highly prized among men is utterly detestable in God’s sight.[50]  In other words, while the rich man’s appearance (dressed in purple and fine linen…[feasting] sumptuously every day) may have impressed other people (You are the ones who justify yourselves in men’s eyes, Jesus told the Pharisees), God was not so impressed (but God knows your hearts).[51]

And in that flame like the burning bush, one of the ministers of God or Jesus’ fiery eyes the rich man reconsidered his wasted life (Psalm 139:7, 8 NET).

Where can I go to escape your spirit?  Where can I flee to escape your presence?  If I were to ascend to heaven, you would be there.  If I were to sprawl out in Sheol [Septuagint: ᾅδην, another form of ᾅδης] there you would be.

Who knows?  Perhaps I’m meant to take the rich man’s thirst in the psalmist’s sense (Psalm 42:1-5 NET):

As a deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God!  I thirst for God, for the living God.  I say, “When will I be able to go and appear in God’s presence?”  I cannot eat, I weep day and night; all day long they say to me, “Where is your God?”  I will remember and weep!  For I was once walking along with the great throng to the temple of God, shouting and giving thanks along with the crowd as we celebrated the holy festival.  Why are you depressed, O my soul?  Why are you upset?  Wait for God!  For I will again give thanks to my God for his saving intervention.


[2] Psalm 23:6a (KJV)

[3] Psalm 23:6a (NET)

[4] The note in the NET reads: “The use of רָדַף (radaf, ‘pursue, chase’) with טוֹב וָחֶסֶד (tov vakhesed, ‘goodness and faithfulness’) as subject is ironic. This is the only place in the entire OT where either of these nouns appears as the subject of this verb רָדַף (radaf, ‘pursue’). This verb is often used to describe the hostile actions of enemies. One might expect the psalmist’s enemies (see v 5) to chase him, but ironically God’s ‘goodness and faithfulness’ (which are personified and stand by metonymy for God himself) pursue him instead. The word ‘pursue’ is used outside of its normal context in an ironic manner and creates a unique, but pleasant word picture of God’s favor (or a kind God) ‘chasing down’ the one whom he loves.”

[7] Hebrews 11:32-34 (NET)

[9] Luke 16:8b (NET)

[11] Luke 16:9 (NET)

[12] Mark 10:23, 24 (NET)

[13] Mark 10:26b (NET)

[14] Luke 16:19-21 (NET)

[17] Luke 16:23 (NET)

[18] Acts 2:26, 27 (NET) Table

[19] Acts 2:31 (NET) Table

[20] Matthew 11:23; Luke 10:15 (NET)

[21] Matthew 16:18 (NET)

[22] Revelation 1:17b, 18 (NET)

[23] The King James translators chose hell for every instance of ᾅδης. Addendum 2/11/2022: The current version of the NET has Hades rather than hell in Luke 16:23.

[24] Matthew 4:23, 24 (NET)

[26] Luke 16:24 (NET)

[27] Luke 2:46 (NET)

[28] Luke 2:48b (NET)

[29] Acts 20:38 (NET)

[30] Acts 7:30 (NET)

[31] Hebrews 1:7 (NET)

[32] Romans 13:6 (NET)

[33] Romans 15:16 (NET)

[34] Philippians 2:25 (NET)

[35] Revelation 1:14 (NET)

[36] Revelation 19:12 (NET)

[37] Revelation 2:18 (NET)

[38] 2 Thessalonians 1:8 (NET)

[39] Luke 16:25 (NET)

[40] Romans 9:22 (NET)

[41] Revelation 14:19 (NET)

[42] Revelation 16:9 (NET)

[43] Revelation 16:11 (NET)

[44] Revelation 16:21 (NET)

[45] Luke 16:26 (NET) Table

[46] Luke 16:27, 28 (NET)

[47] Luke 16:29 (NET)

[48] Luke 16:30 (NET)

[49] Luke 16:31 (NET)

[50] Luke 16:15b (NET)

[51] Luke 16:15a (NET)

Antichrist, Part 4

Back at Eden in Lars Von Trier’s “Antichrist” she explained an incident that happened the past summer.  She heard her son Nic crying.  She searched everywhere for him.  When she found him, he was playing contentedly, but the crying persisted for a time in the air in Eden.

“What you’re experiencing is panic, nothing more,” he said.  “The screaming wasn’t real.”

She took that in as he walked away.  Then she jumped him and started hitting him.  He wrestled her to the ground.

“You’re just so damn arrogant,” she said.

Later she shared her own conclusion about hearing Nic cry:  “Now I could hear what I couldn’t hear before,” she said, “the cry of all things that are to die.”

“That’s all very touching,” he said, “if it was a children’s book….That’s what fear is.  Your thoughts distort reality, not the other way around.”  But he had already experienced some of the “reality” distortion of Eden, and his words had begun to ring hollow.

“Satan’s church,” she said later.

“Satan!? Jesus!” the rationalist psychologist, who believed in neither, exclaimed.

“Nature is Satan’s church,” she asserted.

The earth was ruined in the sight of God, the book of Genesis reads, the earth was filled with violence.  God saw the earth, and indeed it was ruined, for all living creatures on the earth were sinful.[1]  We accept the violence of animals (and even that of human beings sometimes) as “natural,” because fallen nature is natural to us.  But the Creator did not: God said to Noah, “I have decided that all living creatures must die, for the earth is filled with violence because of them.  Now I am about to destroy them and the earth.”[2]

In “Antichrist” her husband couldn’t tolerate her conclusion about fallen nature being Satan’s church.  He began to talk to her about nature.

“The kind of nature that causes people to do evil things against women?” she asked.  He agreed.

If you continue to follow my teaching, Jesus said to those who had believed him, you are really my disciples and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.[3]

We are descendants of Abraham, they protested, and have never been anyone’s slaves![4]

I tell you the solemn truth, Jesus answered, everyone who practices sin is a slave of sin.[5]  I know that you are Abraham’s descendants.[6]  But now you are trying to kill me, a man who has told you the truth I heard from God.  Abraham did not do this!  You people are doing the deeds of your father.[7]

We were not born as a result of immorality (πορνείας, a form of πορνεία)! They protested again.  We have only one Father, God himself.[8]

If God were your Father, you would love me, for I have come from God and am now here.[9]  You people are from your father the devil, Jesus continued, and you want to do what your father desires.  He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not uphold the truth, because there is no truth in him. Whenever he lies, he speaks according to his own nature, because he is a liar and the father of lies.[10]  The one who belongs to God listens and responds to God’s words.  You don’t listen and respond, because you don’t belong to God.[11]

“That kind of nature interested me a lot when I was up here,” she continued.  “That kind of nature was the subject of my thesis.  But you shouldn’t underestimate Eden….I discovered something else in my material than I expected.  If human nature is evil then that goes as well for the nature of…”

“…of the women,” he finished her thought, “female nature.”

“The nature of all the sisters,” she agreed.  “Women do not control their own bodies.  Nature does.  I have it in writing in my books.”

“The literature that you used in your research was about evil things committed against women,” he clarified for her.  “But you read it as proof of the evil of women?  You were supposed to be critical of those texts.  That was your thesis.  Instead you’re embracing it.  Do you know what you’re saying?”

“Forget it,” she said.  “I don’t know why I said it.”

Later he attempted to drive his point home.  But by that moment in the film it seemed like he was trying to persuade himself, more than her, that the strange visions and dreams he was having in Eden weren’t real.

“Good and evil have nothing to do with therapy,” he assured her.  “Do you know how many innocent women were killed in the 16th century alone just for being women?  I’m sure you do—many—and not because they were evil.”

“I know.  It’s just sometimes I forget,” she said without conviction.

“The evil you talk about is an obsession.  Obsessions never materialize.  It’s a scientific fact.”

She caught up with him in the shed later and attacked him.  She feared that he would leave her.  As he wrestled with her and fended off her blows he protested that he loved her.  Just as it seemed that their fighting would become fucking, she hit him in the groin with a heavy object (a toolbox, I think, by the sound of it; I winced both times I saw it).  Though he lost consciousness from the pain, he still had an erection.  She massaged it to a bloody ejaculation.  Nature, it seems, also controlled his body.

I, too, have nothing but a woman’s word for the way my body responded when I was unconscious from driving all night to get home to her.  I awoke refreshed and whole.  In “Antichrist” he awoke to find a whole drilled through his calf and a heavy grinding stone bolted to his leg.  While she was outside disposing of the wrench under the shed, he attempted to escape, dragging his hobbled leg.

She found him hiding in a fox’s lair and dug him out.  She dragged him back to the shed.  She grabbed scissors and hid them from him as she began to masturbate with his hand.  I expected that he was about to be emasculated.  But she exposed and put her own clitoris in between the scissor’s blades instead.

I remember the Sunday afternoon during my first divorce when I considered cutting off my penis according to Jesus’ command.  He said, “You would need to cut off your head.”  It was the way He knew my thoughts from afar that persuaded me He was speaking.  I had gotten well beyond the act to its aftermath in my mind.  There was no way I would call for help and have to explain why I cut off my own penis.  I had considered cauterizing the wound because stitching seemed out of the question.  I wasn’t sure if I could stop the blood flow or not.

“That will kill me for sure,” I said.

His answer was “precisely” or “exactly,” something to that effect.  I had been studying Romans.  At that moment I began to take Jesus’ command to cut off my penis (literally, a hand or a foot)[12] more figuratively, and Paul’s insight—we have been buried with [Christ] through baptism into death, in order that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too may live a new life[13]—more literally.

“Antichrist” is a horror movie.  She was not studying Paul’s letter to the Romans.  No still small voice intervened to enlighten her.  She snipped off her clitoris with the scissors.  As she writhed in pain, he recovered the wrench and freed himself from the grinding stone.  And though he didn’t believe in Satan’s church, he joined her in worship.  He choked her to death with his bare hands, after he silenced her voice by crushing her larynx.

As he limped away, the last man standing, he had a vision.  He was surrounded by women, the victims of gynocide, I think.  When asked at Cannes to account for “Antichrist,” Lars Von Trier resisted.  But if the featurette on the DVD was edited honestly, eventually he said something to the effect that it was the hand of God.

Though Trier claimed not to know, the closing scene of “Antichrist” reminded me of a scene Jesus described: The people of Nineveh will stand up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it, because they repented when Jonah preached to them – and now, something greater than Jonah is here!  The queen of the South will rise up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it, because she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon – and now, something greater than Solomon is here![14]  The people of Ninevah and the queen of the South were portrayed by the victims of gynocide, while he, the rationalist psychologist, was this generation.


[1] Genesis 6:11, 12 (NET)

[2] Genesis 6:13 (NET)

[3] John 8:31, 32 (NET)

[4] John 8:33 (NET)

[5] John 8:34 (NET)

[6] John 8:37a (NET)

[7] John 8:40, 41a (NET)

[8] John 8:41b (NET)

[9] John 8:42a (NET)

[10] John 8:44 (NET)

[11] John 8:47 (NET)

[13] Romans 6:4 (NET)

[14] Matthew 12:41, 42 (NET)

Antichrist, Part 3

Like John’s antichrists Trier’s antichrists were not necessarily tyrannical globalists, but people who had not been perfected in God’s love and did not keep his commandments.  Unlike John’s antichrists there was no indication in the film that they had ever known God and then departed from that knowledge.  Trier’s antichrists are not named.  We are introduced to them “he-in’-and-a-she-in'” as Otis (played by William Fichtner in the movie “The Amateurs”) described fucking.  But I want to try to reconstruct the story of “Antichrist” in temporal order.

This will definitely be a spoiler for those who haven’t seen the film.  My take is not Lars Von Trier’s understanding, nor that of the actors.   I assume that anyone remotely interested in my understanding would be offended by the pornographic nature of this movie and not watch it all the way through anyway.  And I use pornographic in a technical, not an eye-of-the-beholder, sense here.

Conan O’Brien asked his guest Amanda Seyfried about her role in a biopic about Linda Lovelace of “Deep Throat” fame: “How do you portray a porn star without being incredibly explicit?  Do you know what I mean?”  Ms. Seyfried answered, “Well, you don’t actually have sex on film.”[1]  In other words people who get paid to pretend to have sex on film are actors, ὑποκριταί in Greek.  People who get paid to actually have sex on film are prostitutes; πορνοσ (pornos) is the Greek for a male prostitute.  Our word pornography (writing about prostitutes) comes from the Greek compound of πορνοσ (pornos) and γραφή (graphē).  The body doubles for Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg in “Antichrist” were porn actors, and a few shots in the film do qualify under this technical definition.

Before the film began she (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and their toddler son Nic went to Eden, a secluded cabin in the woods, to finish her thesis on Gynocide.  It was a study of man’s inhumanity to woman, witch-hunts and the like.  She couldn’t finish when she realized it was not a simple story of evil men persecuting virtuous women, but that the women were evil, too.  As she absentmindedly, or vindictively, (it was never quite clear to me) forced the left shoe on her son’s right foot, and vice versa (causing a deformity that became apparent in an autopsy report) she became cognizant of her own evil as well.

The film actually begins with beautiful slow motion black and white footage of he (Willem Dafoe) and she fucking.  Just because I believe that fucking does not, or the feelings associated with fucking do not, fulfill the law, does not mean that I have anything against fucking or those feelings.  Fucking my wives or the feelings I had while fucking them or wanting to fuck them are beyond compare, except perhaps for the feeling I had when they wanted to fuck me.  I miss it.  And the opening scene of “Antichrist” spawned many a wonderful memory (as well as some that were not so wonderful).

Nic, their toddler son, awoke from his nap, climbed out of his crib, watched his mother and father a moment, turned quietly away, investigated an open window, and fell to his death.  Granted, in real life the likelihood that a toddler would not demand some parental attention might be extremely low.  But “Antichrist” is a horror movie, only the worst possibilities can happen.  During the funeral procession she collapsed and was hospitalized.  Her doctor thought she had an abnormal reaction to grief.  Her husband, a psychologist, disagreed.

“I could have stopped him,” she told her husband, apparently coming into the light.  “You didn’t know that he had started waking up lately.  I was aware that he would sometimes wake up and crawl out of bed and walk about.”  She started to sob, “He woke up and was confused and alone.”

He assumed, and we in the audience assume at this point, that she was suffering from psychological guilt.  What we learn later, but he never knew, is that she saw Nic watching them and chose not to interrupt her husband to attend to her son.  We also see that fucking is her narcotic and anesthetic of choice.  The perfect wife?

What I realized the second time through the film was that her doctor’s “abnormal reaction to grief” and her husband’s diagnosis of psychological guilt both missed the point.  She suffered from the actual guilt of maternal negligence and needed actual forgiveness.  But there was no forgiveness to be found.  This is “Antichrist,” not “Breaking the Waves.”  Her doctor gave her mood drugs and her husband gave her psycho-babble, as she “bled out” from actual guilt.  But “actual guilt” was not a category her doctor or her husband would recognize as legitimate, apart from a criminal indictment and conviction.

Why didn’t she come fully into the light? with her husband at least?  Why didn’t she tell him she saw Nic, knew he was awake, and knew he was walking about unsupervised?  Jesus (or John) said, everyone who does evil deeds hates the light and does not come to the light, so that their deeds will not be exposed.[5]  He didn’t seem like the kind of man who would, or could, forgive her for a judgment mistake that claimed his son’s life.  And she feared that he would leave her.  In other words, theirs was not a love (ἀγάπη) affair by definition, no matter how good their fucking was.

He didn’t know (because he hadn’t experienced), In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.[7]  Receive the Holy Spirit, Jesus said.  If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven; if you retain anyone’s sins, they are retained.[8]  For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins.[9]  And she was not perfected in love either because, There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love.  We love because he loved us first.[10]

He arranged to get her out of the hospital, brought her home and became her therapist.  “You’ve always been distant from me and Nic,” she said in one of their sessions, “now that I come to think of it, very, very distant.”

“Okay,” he said, ever the patient therapist.  “Can you give me some example of this?”

“Like last summer, for instance, [when she went with Nic to Eden] you were terribly distant last summer, as a father and as a husband.”

“Well, actually it was to honor your wish.  You wanted peace to write.”

“Perhaps I didn’t mean it,” she said.

That sounds just like a woman, I thought.  But as I imagined the scene that preceded her writing retreat at Eden, I learned something about me as a husband and father.  I, too, have tried to play the patient therapist with my wife and children.  If she asked me for my blessing to take Nic and go to Eden without me for the summer, I would have thought, “No way!  I’ll miss you, and Nic.  I’ll miss talking with you, eating with you, being with you and, yes, fucking you.  Why can’t you write here!?”  But then I would have thought how selfish that seemed, and I would have said, “Okay.”

In other words, I wouldn’t have come into the light with my wife.  I probably haven’t done so at various times in the past.  And I see now that the truth—that I would miss her terribly, that I was angry that she would ask such a thing, that I felt that my initial reaction was selfish, so, yes, I would respect her desire to go to write her thesis and agree to it as much as it was in me to do—would be a much better basis for a love (ἀγάπη) affair.  But I thought that “controlling” my emotions (rather than sharing them with her) was the “right” thing to do.

She didn’t finish her thesis that summer.  He hadn’t even asked about it.  When she told him he wondered why she had given up.  “The whole project just seemed less important up there,” she said.  It had become “glib” to her, “or even worse, some kind of lie.”  He learned nothing about his obvious distance from her.  He kept his focus on her.  He decided that she had a phobia.

“What scares you about the woods?” he asked.

“Everything.”

So he took her back to Eden.


[5] John 3:20 (NET)

[7] 1 John 4:10 (NET)

[8] John 20:22b, 23 (NET)

[9] Matthew 6:14, 15 (NET) Table

[10] 1 John 4:18, 19 (NET)